So, I watched him as he took a small leap from the wooden dock.  With a small un-noticed splash he hit the water and began sinking.  I waited two seconds to see what would happen.  Would the child float?  Or would he sink?  Or would he swim like a champion to his father?  I had no idea and so I watched for two seconds, knowing that the child’s lone thought was “daddy.”

I jumped in after the two seconds and grabbed the kid.  He was okay.  He had held his breath.  He was at least smart enough to know that.  I held the child looking at him as I have with other children.  As I’ve looked at my nieces and nephews.  And just as with them, I had that odd feeling of connectedness and the awareness of their fragility and beauty.  The difference is that I didn’t feel unconditional love for this child but a great amount of compassion and sadness as it dawned on me what exactly was going on between me and this child with the familiar beauty that I felt like I had known but had somehow forgotten.

I moved through the water, with him in my arms, towards his family enjoying the last seconds of the oddest sensation of my life, knowing that it would end the second I stated my realization.  I moved toward a woman who reached out to grab the child.

“Here, let me take him from you,” She said.  And I handed him and his safety over to her, knowing that he’d never be as safe with her as he had been with me.  Somebody asked me “how did you know?” as I handed the child to the lady.  And I responded with what was the uncomfortable truth.  A truth that I couldn’t explain.  That the child was me.  I told them that I had no idea how there was both versions of me there, but that it was the case.  The baby looked at me, recognized this to the truth, and then he screamed.

project

The podcast is currently tangled in 4 websites. I’m trying to get the main site designed and up.

the show can now been be found on itunes.

One of my best friends. Best friend #3. Best female friend #1. Came back to Portland after spending months traveling the US.

One of my best friends and ex room mates moved in with us after a breakup of sorts with his lady.

This is the big one: last Wednesday two of my room mates found another one of my room mates dead in his room. I will write more about all this. I can’t tweet these things, I have to write about these things. So I’ll be posting some real shit here soon.

Peace.

My good friend Nick Horton and his good friend Tom Henderson have started a Math podcast called Math For Primates.  I’ve been enjoying there attempts weave informative math talk with humor and perhaps you will too.

from their about page:

The Podcast

Just a couple of primates who figured that talking about math was a better use of their time than throwing their poo.  Podcasts will cover Mathematics Education, Evolutionary Game Theory, Mathematical Philosophy, Logic, Quantum nonsense, and anything else that seems even remotely tied to mathematics in science or society.

The Primates

Tom Henderson holds a masters degree in mathematics and is an adjunct professor of mathematics at Portland State University. His main research interests are in Game Theory, Discrete Mathematics, and Mathematics Education.  He is also a longtime member of the improve comedy group, The Light Fingered 5. And, he blogs at MathPunk.net

Nick Horton is a graduate student studying Mathematical Biology, Evolutionary Game Theory, and the Biology of Human Behavior.  He writes a science blog on these topics atSapienGames.com.  When he isn’t mathing, he works as a weightlifting Coach, competes as a weightlifter, writes a weightlifting blog, and makes much Soul Music.

Disclaimer

NONE of the poo throwing, nor any of the opinions expressed in these podcasts reflect the opinions of any institutions Tom or Nick are affiliated with in any way what-so-ever.  They are the opinions of these primates alone, and should not be taken as lifestyle advice, financial advice, nor comic relief of medical symptoms.

Further, neither Tom nor Nick advocate Zoo-breaks by other primates–or animals of a different genus, family, or kingdom.  The fact that these two wild primates have managed to escape themselves and are now roaming free among society is not meant to be taken as an example of appropriate or moral behavior.

Please consult your doctor before embarking on any mathematics program, as it can and should be a physically exhausting experience resulting in much hair pulling, cursing at chalk boards, and excessive consumption of caffeine.

I can’t wait for River’s In The Mist.  I’m sad that we don’t see each other enough these days and I haven’t heard any of the forthcoming album.  But then again, it’s not that often that something I’m really looking forward to happens.  It will be like a kid’s Christmas for me, when it comes out.

http://www.alterside.com

A  run down up my  faves from these the newly released Tea Green and A Circle Cherry albums in a random order.

from Tea Green

General comments about Tea Green.  This was the first time I heard him working on songs on an acoustic guitar and then taking them to the studio.  Most of the songs were written with a pen and pad on an acoustic guitar is his bed room instead of in the basement studio.  I think we were listening to a lot of Chris Issaak then, but that might be what we were into when he started Rivers In the Midst.

Still Awake:  He never played this song for me.  I stole it from his computer and have loved it since then.  I’m not sure why I love it.  Maybe it’s because it seems super honest to me and I know exactly what he was going through when he was writing this.  Also there is there is a sample/sound that in the beginning that he and I listened to years ago and made comments on.  At least I think it’s that.  It might be a wah guitar.

In This World: i was shocked when I heard this one.  It was different than what I was used to hearing from him.  He’s singing in the lead vocal is in the natural part of his range.  There’s no stretching.   I’ve always thought Saij sounds his best when he’s not trying to sound like someone else.

And the vocals aren’t heavily layered.  The drums are simple.  The instrumentation is pretty much basic drums, layered bass guitar and vocals.  I remember talking to him about how the bass guitar as lead guitar opens up all kinds of frequencies in the mix and allows this song to really breath.  I called this his “Al Green song.”  Also, “too lagart” is something I said.  It’s an inside joke that maybe three people know.

Have You Ever Been Down?:  One of my absolute faves.  Top 3  Saij in my opinion.  I know exactly the inspiration for this song and I won’t tell.  I will tell you that when I wrote “She,” I tried to stylize it after this song.  I will also tell you that this is the second version of this song.  The first didn’t have the acoustic guitars and slide in there.  It took me a while to accept the new version, but I now accept it as being at least on the level as the first version.  I know this is one of the songs that he had the hardest times mixing.

I Miss You Now: Was written and recorded during the making of The Acropolis. It was thought to be too similar to Right Here and was scrapped from The Acropolis. There is an earlier version that is at least 6 minutes long.  It’s a demo of sorts with a different drum beat and electric guitar in place of the acoustic and slide.  It also has at least one other verse.  I felt in a lot of ways that I was responsible for this song in a lot of ways.  I put a lot of acoustic based music in his hands and gave him access to the my acoustic/electric guitars.  This song represents a growth in him to me.  It was the break away from the soul of A Circle Cherry and the transition into the acoustic guitar based stuff of Tea Green. It doesn’t feel like he’s trying to do any one thing.  He’s just doing his thing.

Run n Hide: Classic Saij musical weirdness as the intro.  Again, not heavily layered or stretching vocals.  I once heard him say that this is his “Springsteen song.”  I love this song.  Wood block and delayed acoustic and some weird manipulated sounds.

You You: I heard him write this one and play it for me before he recorded it.  I remember hoping that he wouldn’t wreck it with over-production.  He didn’t.  I love the vocal solo.  I love the deep vocals.  I also remember him telling me how he wanted to get back to the chanting that was more prevalent in his pre-Cherry work.

General comments about A Circle Cherry:  There was a whole other album of songs titled A Circle Cherry before this version of Cherry. It was more Peter Gabriel and Tricky sounding.  The only thing that was saved from that scrapped album was Highwayman, which was redone and the instrumentals throughout the new version of the album.  I also thought that Circle Cherry would be a cult classic.  It’s great from beginning to end.  It’s great as a whole album.  I’m not sure why I couldn’t talk Saij into focusing our resources and time into promoting Cherry instead of The Acrop.

On The Stand: This is one song that I always go, “Holy shit, I forgot about this one.”  It does its own thing.  It never lies.

Sapphire Masquerade: I used to think that this song was a song written to me.  About me trying to push my will on Saij about our home and musical/business partnership.  I once pitched him the idea that we shoot a video of us and DMoeFunk dressed in business suits and leaving an office building.  We would film us walking down the street with briefcases as we strutted and stripped to the song.  We would change from business suits to drag queens and then up at some costumed dance party.

I Feel Like A Fool: Came out of nowhere in the matter of a couple days.  Loved it instantly and still do.  I used to say that it sounded like a Stevie Wonder song/  I also used to misinterpret it as “Your hips say one thing,” and “You’re thighs say one thing.”

Butt Ass Naked: Another one that came out of nowhere in the matter of a couple of days, if I remember right.  Also, if memory serves Saij had a cold when he recorded the vocals.  I used to have sex to this song.  My girlfriend at the time always wanted me to make a playlist of nothing other than the Cristina Millian album and this song.  The whole Millian album and like 7 or 8 occurences of B.A.N.

Gonna Get Freaky: This song asks the more important questions in life.  Sicj simple backing music to vocals that run all over the place.  I love how the maun vocals go so low and how the music feels so lazy.  I love the background sounds and how I don’t feel like I’m listening to a militantly structured pop song.  We actually have an idea for a video for this that hopefully we will do some weekend.

Highwayman: I always thought a highway man was someone who robbed travelers.  Maybe this highway man is doing that.  I don’t know.  It’s obviously the tale of an immigrant of some sort struggling in a new land for his family.  I like it when Saij tells somebody else’s tale.

This is the second version of this song and far superior.  I think this is the song that got Saij using guitars again.  I’d like to tell you, but I don’t know.  I do know that for the longest time he barely used guitars even though he is a guitar player who went to music school as a guitar player.

Hallah: This is the overlooked gem of the album for me.  It’s the song that I always forget about and wonder how I could have forgotten it.  I think what would happen is that we would talk about things like “singles” and “hits” back then and we would somehow not talk about songs like this.  I’ve always found joy in the way the chorus is “I want ya, but you never stay,” but it seems like a happy chorus.

Okay, so I had a great day yesterday even though I felt terrible in the morning. I was going to go to bed early but the music demons bit me. And then I went digging around. I should know by now not to dig. You never find what you are looking for. It does speed along the process of knowing what’s in the ground, but it’s rarely what you wanted to find. Right now I wonder if it matters or if it is important. I am silly, I know. And my mind is often powerful and harmful. My heart is equally powerful.  I’m not putting either one to good use right now.  Relax, Jesse.  Relax.

I’ve managed to fill my head with thoughts that are pretty much pointless and of no use at this moment.  My heart, is full of hope again, instead of whatever it was the last couple weeks.  So, I’ve turned to my blog to help rid my mind of these unbeneficial distractions of the moment.

Fall is here and I’m about to be on fire and that’s without the social wirlwind of summer wrapped around me.  It’s time to roll up the sleeves and get dirty.  And clean some stuff up.  I’m excited for sure about alot of things right now, but being worried about them or even wondersome is paying me no good service right now.

Things will happen.  Santa will come.  Stop thinking about the presents.  You’ll open them in the morning.

There you go Tim.